When You Stop Explaining Your Choices, You Start Living – Sartre

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Transcript

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Have you ever caught yourself saying I did it because and felt smaller the moment the words left your mouth. We think we are explaining.

We think we are being polite, reasonable, rational. But in reality, every time you explain your

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choices, you are not simply communicating. You are asking for permission to exist.

Pause for a moment and notice the pattern. You say, "I left that job because or I don't want kids because or I chose her because the

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surface sounds innocent." But underneath there is a quieter message. Please don't judge me.

Please approve of me. Please tell me I am allowed to live the way I have chosen.

That is not freedom. That is dependence.

That is your life being

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written by the gaze of other people. And the longer you play this game, the less your choices belong to you.

They stop being authentic acts of freedom and become rehearsed performances designed to soothe the audience. Jean Paul Sartro

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once said that man is condemned to be free. The question is, are you ready to live with that freedom or will you keep asking the world for permission to be who you already are?

Think about how often this happens at work. You feel the

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need to explain why you turned down a promotion. At home, you explain why you chose not to have children.

Among friends, you explain why you left one city and moved to another. You even explain why you love who you love.

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Everywhere you turn, life becomes a courtroom, and you are the defendant standing trial for the crime of living the way you want. We tell ourselves this is just communication that it is harmless to give reasons.

But there is a difference between clarity and

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justification. To clarify is to help someone understand what you did.

To justify is to beg for approval. Most of us are not clarifying.

We are justifying. And every time we do, we hand over our power.

Take a simple

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example. A man leaves his job.

He tells his family, "I left because the salary was too low." He tells his colleagues, "I left because the culture was toxic." He tells himself, "I had no choice." But do you see what happened? The act of

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leaving was not allowed to stand on its own. It had to be dressed in explanations that would make others comfortable.

He was not just leaving a job. He was asking to be excused.

Here is the paradox. The more you explain,

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the less people respect you because what they hear is not strength. They hear doubt.

They hear that you do not believe in your own choices enough to let them stand without defense. This is why you should care.

When you live a life of

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constant explanation, you no longer act as the author of your own story. You act as a character written by other people's expectations.

And slowly your choices are no longer choices. They are compromises.

They are strategies for

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fitting into the script. The pattern is clear.

Explaining might look polite. It might look reasonable.

But beneath the surface, it is a hidden surrender. It is how you trade away your authority for the illusion of belonging.

And if you do not learn to see it, you will spend your

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entire life negotiating for the right to be yourself instead of living it. Aristotle gave us a vision that still shapes how we think about life.

Every being carries within it a telos, a natural end, a purpose. The acorn

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contains the oak. The seed is not random.

It already leans toward growth, toward flourishing. In the same way, each of us is born with potential, a direction inscribed in our nature.

This truth has endured for centuries because

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it feels undeniable. There is something in you that is meant to become.

But here is the deeper question. What kind of oak will that seed become?

One oak rises tall, another grows crooked, another spreads wide in a field. They are all

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oaks. Yet each life expresses its telos differently.

This is where Sartra steps in. Not to cancel Aristotle, but to extend the vision.

For Sartra, potential is real, but it is never complete

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without freedom. Telos is the seed.

Freedom is the soil, the light, the choices that decide how that seed will live. You cannot erase the telos, but you must choose how to embody it.

Think of music. A violin has a telos.

It is

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built to make sound. But what kind of sound?

In the hands of one musician, it sings with beauty. In the hands of another, it groans and scratches.

The violin's purpose is fixed, but the life of that purpose depends on practice,

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discipline, and the choices of the player. Or think of athletics.

A runner may be born with the frame and instinct for speed. That is his telos.

But whether he trains, whether he competes, whether he channels his gift or ignores

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it, that is freedom. The potential is there, but the outcome depends on the choices made every day.

This is why Sartra declared his most famous line, "Existence precedes essence." Your essence, your lived identity, your

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character, the person you become, is not sealed at birth. You are not handed a script.

It is written in real time with every decision you make in the face of your telos. Aristotle tells you what seed you carry.

Sarter reminds you that

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the tree is not automatic. You must live it into being.

And here lies the weight. Man is condemned to be free.

Freedom sounds like a gift, but Sartra warned that it feels more like a sentence because you cannot escape it. Even when

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you say I had no choice, you are choosing. Even when you follow your natural tails, you are choosing to embrace it.

Freedom is unavoidable and responsibility comes with it. But freedom is frightening.

That is why many

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of us live in what Sartra called bad faith. Bad faith is the selfdeception we use to avoid the burden of freedom.

We say I had no option. We say this is just who I am.

We say it's what they wanted.

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Each time we do, we reduce ourselves to objects, pretending our lives are dictated by forces outside us. In reality, we are choosing, but we lie to ourselves so we don't have to face the weight of that truth.

Then comes the

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gaze of others. What Sartra called the look.

Under the eyes of other people, we suddenly see ourselves as objects again. We scramble to explain, to justify, to win their approval.

We think we are protecting ourselves. But in fact, we

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are surrendering freedom. Because every explanation whispers the same message.

I live for your judgment, not my conviction. This is why Sartra famously wrote, "Hell is other people." Not because relationships are evil, but

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because under their gaze we so often hand away our freedom, shrinking into the roles they assign us. Here is the bridge.

Aristotle shows us that you are born with a seed of purpose. Sartra shows us that the way that seed grows,

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the kind of tree, the kind of music, the kind of race is entirely shaped by your choices. They do not cancel each other.

They complete each other. Potential without choice is wasted.

Choice without potential is ruthless. Together they

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reveal the whole picture. You are born with direction.

But who you become is decided in the freedom of every day? If we are free to grow in so many directions, why do we constantly feel the need to explain our choices?

Why do

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we shrink in front of others offering reasons that sound more like apologies? To answer that, we have to look at the hidden mechanisms beneath the habit of explaining.

At its root, the drive to explain comes from fear. Fear of being

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excluded, fear of rejection, fear of losing our place in the group. From the earliest days of our lives, we learn that approval keeps us safe.

A child explains to his parents why he colored outside the lines. A teenager explains

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to his friends why he did not join the party. An adult explains to his family why he chose a career they do not understand.

Every stage of life trains us to believe that explaining is the price of belonging. And to be fair,

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explaining does serve a purpose. It reduces conflict in the short term.

It makes other people more comfortable. It helps us smooth over differences and avoid immediate judgment.

But there is a hidden cost. In exchange for temporary

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peace, we surrender long-term freedom. The more we lean on explanations, the more we train ourselves to look outward for validation instead of inward for conviction.

This is exactly what Sarter meant by bad faith. Bad faith is not

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just lying to others. It is lying to yourself.

And in the context of explaining, bad faith shows up in three familiar forms. The first is blaming circumstances.

You say, "I had no choice. I had to stay in this job.

I had

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to follow this path." You erase your own agency and pretend life was forced on you. The second is shrinking yourself.

You tell the world, "I am not enough. I am not smart enough.

I am not strong enough."

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You excuse your inaction by reducing yourself to something smaller than you are. The third is performing obedience.

You say, "I did this because that is what they wanted." You live as a role someone else wrote, hoping the

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performance will win their approval. Each form of bad faith is a way of dodging responsibility.

And each time you explain through one of these lenses, you strengthen the illusion that your freedom is not real. Then there is the power of the look.

Sartra said that

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under the gaze of another person, we become objects. And when we feel like objects, we scramble to explain.

We want to soften their judgment to control the verdict in their eyes. The problem is the more we chase approval through

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explanations, the more we hand our choices over to them, the more we live as if their gaze defines us. This is the mechanism.

Fear drives us to explain. Explaining by short-term comfort, but long-term weakness.

And underneath it

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all, bad faith keeps us from facing the truth. Our choices are ours, and no amount of explanation can ever erase that responsibility.

Now, let's talk about the cost because explaining might feel harmless in the moment, but over

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time, it eats away at the very core of who you are. The first cost is the loss of inner authority.

When you explain every decision, you are signaling to yourself and to others that your choices are not enough on their own. You need

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outside approval to make them real. Soon, you are no longer the chairman of your own life.

You are the employee waiting for someone else to sign off on your decisions. Think of how many times you have hesitated until someone else nodded or smiled as if their reaction

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was the final stamp on your existence. The second cost is emotional dependence.

The more you explain, the more your mood is tied to the reactions of others. If they approve, you feel relief.

If they disapprove, you feel crushed. Over time,

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this turns into chronic anxiety, self-doubt, and indecision. You start delaying action because you are rehearsing in your head how to explain it later.

Your life becomes a waiting room and you are never called in. The third cost is vulnerability to

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exploitation. The more reasons you give, the more material you hand over for others to use against you.

In the workplace, constant explanations can be twisted into excuses for more work or less respect. In relationships,

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explanations can become weapons of guilt or control. You think you are protecting yourself by justifying, but what you are really doing is arming the other side.

And the fourth cost is loss of respect. Here is the paradox.

You think

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explaining makes people understand you, but in reality, it often makes them see you as weak. Strong men and women are not those who always justify.

They are the ones who make choices and own them. The more you defend yourself, the more

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you look like you do not believe in yourself. People may smile, but inside they sense the lack of conviction.

This is why Sartra's warning cuts so deep. Every explanation chips away at your freedom.

Every justification weakens

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your authority. Every time you look for permission, you step further away from authenticity.

And if you keep going down this road, you wake up one day realizing you never lived as the author of your own story. You lived as a supporting

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character in someone else's script. There is a reason society trains you to explain because the moment you stop, you become dangerous.

You stop being predictable. You stop being manageable.

And that is why the truths Sartra

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uncovered are rarely spoken out loud. The first truth is that no one is responsible for your life but you.

Parents may guide you, teachers may shape you. Society may offer frameworks.

But in the end, no one carries the

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burden of your existence except you. That is the brutal reality.

No one owes you a meaningful life. No one will hand you a finished purpose.

If you want meaning, you must create it. The second truth is that freedom is not a

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privilege. It is a sentence.

Sartra said, "Man is condemned to be free. Condemned because you cannot escape it.

You can surrender your freedom. You can run from it.

You can bury it under explanations and excuses. But none of

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that removes the fact that at every moment you are choosing. And the weight of those choices is yours alone to bear.

This is why freedom feels heavy, even terrifying, because you cannot give it back." The third truth is that the world

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offers no universal standard by which to measure your life. There is no single scoreboard, no shared script.

Explaining is our desperate attempt to pretend there is. We want to believe that if we justify our choices in the right way,

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society will stamp them with approval and declare us legitimate. But there is no final stamp.

The approval is an illusion. And the more you chase it, the more you forget the only judgment that matters, the one you pass on yourself.

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These are the truths society would rather keep hidden. Because if you faced them fully, you would realize how much power you already hold.

You would realize you do not need to explain. And a person who no longer explains is

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harder to control. He is unpredictable.

He is free. That is what Sartra was trying to tell us.

The cage is open. The key has always been in your hand.

The only question is whether you dare to step outside without asking for

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permission. So what does it mean to actually stop explaining and start living?

Sartra was not content with abstract theory. His ideas press toward practice.

Freedom is not something you admire from afar. It is something you

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claim step by step in the choices of everyday life. Here is a framework, a toolkit inspired by Sartra for breaking the cycle of explanation and reclaiming your freedom.

Seven steps that move you from awareness to action. Step zero,

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awakening. Everything begins with noticing.

You cannot change what you do not see. So the first task is to catch yourself in the act of explaining.

Pay attention to the phrases you use. I had to.

I couldn't because they wouldn't let me.

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Each of these is a signal. It tells you that instead of owning your decision, you are outsourcing it.

Make a list. Track the moments.

You will be shocked by how often you explain. Step one, acceptance of freedom and

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responsibility. Once you see the pattern, you need to accept the truth.

Sarter never stopped repeating. You are free and therefore responsible.

This means practicing a new language. Replace excuses with ownership.

Instead of

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saying, "I had to stay in this job," say, "I chose to stay and I take responsibility for that choice." At first, it feels uncomfortable, but over time, the discomfort turns into power. The words I choose are like muscles.

The

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more you use them, the stronger they become. Step two, short no, short yes.

Explaining often hides inside our boundaries. Someone asks something of us and we drown our answer in reasons to soften the blow.

Sartra would tell us to

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strip it down. Practice saying no or yes with no defense attached, no apologies, no footnotes.

No, thank you. Yes, that's what I want.

At first it will feel harsh, but in reality it is clear and

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clarity is a form of respect both for you and for others. Step three, exposure to the look.

Remember Sartra's idea of the look, the gaze of others that makes us feel like objects. The way to break

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free is not to avoid it, but to face it. Try small experiments.

Wear something unusual in public and resist the urge to explain. Make a choice in front of friends or colleagues and let the silence stand.

The point is not to

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shock. It is to learn that you can survive judgment without scrambling for permission.

Step four, the declaration of choice. Words shape reality.

That is why this step is about writing your own declaration. one page starting with the

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sentence, I am who I am because I choose. List the choices that define you.

Read it aloud each morning. This is not about convincing others.

It is about reminding yourself that you are the author. Every time you declare it, you

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strengthen the voice of inner authority and weaken the reflex to explain. Step five, detecting bad faith.

Bad faith slips in quietly. You say, "I had no option." Or, "I'm just not that type of

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person." And suddenly you are pretending freedom does not exist. To fight this, practice catching bad faith in real time.

When you hear yourself using those phrases, pause. Replace them with I choose this.

Even if it is hard, even if

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it has consequences, the shift is subtle but radical. Instead of playing victim, you step back into authorship.

Step six, small choices, real consequences. Freedom grows through action.

You do not

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need to start with lifealtering decisions. Begin with small ones.

Decline a meeting that wastess your time. Pick up a hobby you have secretly wanted.

Test the waters of freelancing for a few months. The key is not the

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scale of the choice but your willingness to accept its consequences. Every time you act without explaining, you build the habit of authenticity.

Step seven, filtering relationships. Finally, you must face the social side.

Some people

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in your life will demand explanations from you forever. They will not tolerate a version of you who owns his choices without apology.

And that is okay. Their departure is not a loss.

It is a filter. You are better served by fewer

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relationships built on respect than by many relationships chained to control. Ask yourself, do you want friends who respect your choices or friends who require your excuses?

The answer reveals who truly belongs in your life. This

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seven-step process is not a quick fix. It is a way of living.

It begins with awareness, grows with practice, and matures into presence. Over time, you stop explaining, not because you are defiant, but because you no longer need

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to. Your choices speak for themselves.

Your life becomes your argument. And that is the Sartrian path to freedom.

Not theory alone, but practice. Not excuses, but ownership.

Not explanations, but living. Abstract

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philosophy becomes real when it touches actual lives. To see how Sartra's call plays out, let's look at three stories.

They are not theories. They are lives lived at the edge of freedom.

Case one,

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leaving the corporate cage. He spent 10 years in a glass building rising through the ranks of a company that promised security.

to his family, his colleagues, and even himself. It looked like success.

But inside, he felt hollow.

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Every time he thought of leaving, he rehearsed explanations. I'll disappoint my parents.

I'll lose stability. I'll look irresponsible.

And so he stayed year after year, chained to the need to justify. Then one

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day, he wrote a single line in his journal. I choose.

It was clumsy. It was small.

But it was his. Within months, he resigned.

The explanations didn't stop. Relatives shook their heads.

Friends

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whispered. But for the first time, he didn't answer.

He didn't need to. He launched a small creative business.

And while the early years were rough, 2 years later, he looked back and said, "That one choice was the beginning of my

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life. His oak tree had finally started to grow in his own direction.

Case two, choosing not to have children. This choice is controversial, even taboo.

A man and his partner decided not to have children. In their culture, the decision

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was almost unthinkable. Family dinners turned into interrogations.

Friends asked for explanations. Why not?

What's wrong? Don't you want a legacy?

For years, he defended himself, offering

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reasons that only fueled more arguments. Until one day, he stopped explaining.

When asked, he simply said, "It's my choice." He did not argue. He did not apologize.

He accepted the silence that followed. And in that silence, something

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shifted. His family never fully approved.

Some friends drifted away, but his relationship deepened and his life aligned with what he truly wanted. The cost was real, but so was the freedom.

Case three, the marriage that changed.

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He had been married for 15 years, and in that time he had explained himself endlessly. Why he worked late, why he felt distant, why he needed space.

Every sentence was an attempt to soften the truth and avoid conflict. The result, a

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marriage full of words, but empty of authenticity. One evening, he tried something different.

Instead of explaining, he spoke plainly. He said, "This is what I feel.

This is what I want." No defense, no footnotes. At

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first, the air was heavy. His partner looked stunned.

But over time, those simple statements opened space for honesty. The marriage did not collapse.

It deepened. By refusing to justify, he invited real connection.

These stories

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carry a common thread. Each person stopped living as if life required permission slips.

Each one took Sartra's challenge seriously, to own their freedom, to bear its weight, and to let their choices stand without defense. And

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that is how abstract philosophy becomes flesh. Freedom is not a concept you debate in books.

It is a life you build, one unapologetic choice at a time. By now, the message might sound absolute.

Stop explaining always, but life is

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rarely that clean. Sartra's call to freedom must be lived with wisdom.

There are risks and there are exceptions. The first warning is simple.

Explanation is not evil in itself. In some areas of

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life, it is necessary. In law, in medicine, in professional work, clarity matters.

If a surgeon operates, he explains the procedure. If you sign a contract, you explain the terms.

Sarter is not telling us to abandon

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responsibility or to live in silence. He is telling us to stop making explanation the default language of our existence.

The second warning, don't misuse freedom as a shield. Saying it's my choice, does not absolve you from responsibility.

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Freedom without accountability is not authenticity. It is arrogance.

For example, saying, "I choose not to repay my debts," is not freedom. It is bad faith in disguise.

Sartra's philosophy demands that we own not only the choice

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but the consequences. The third warning is for those carrying heavy wounds.

If you grew up under constant pressure, cultural weight, or trauma, the act of stopping explanations may feel unbearable. To face judgment in silence

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might trigger old fears. In that case, the path must be gradual.

Start small. Practice in safe environments.

Seek therapy or trusted support if needed. Authenticity does not mean throwing yourself into fire all at once.

It means

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reclaiming freedom at a pace you can sustain. These warnings matter because they keep Sartra's philosophy grounded.

Freedom is not recklessness. It is not cruelty.

It is not an excuse to hurt others. It is a discipline, a practice

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of living as the author of your life while respecting the reality of others. Handled with this clarity, Sartra's call does not make you reckless.

It makes you real. So what happens when you finally stop explaining?

You stop waiting for

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permission. You stop shrinking under the gaze of others.

You stop outsourcing your freedom. Instead, you begin to live as the author of your own story.

Aristotle reminded us that every life has a direction. A telos Sartra added

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that the way you live that direction, the tree you become, depends on your choices. Together, they reveal the truth.

Your potential is real, but your decisions make you. Every explanation you drop is a piece of power reclaimed.

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Every silence you hold is a reminder that your choices do not need defense. And every moment you say, "I choose without apology," you write another line in the book of your life.

This is not easy. It never will be.

Freedom is

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heavy. Responsibility stings.

But the alternative, living forever as a supporting character in someone else's script, is far worse. So here is the challenge.

For the next 7 days, practice living without explanations. Say, "I

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choose." Say yes or no without a speech. Notice how it feels.

Notice how others react. And most of all, notice the strength that comes when you no longer beg for permission to exist.

If you are

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ready, type these two words in the comments. I choose.

Let that be your declaration. your first step into a life without excuses.

Subscribe if you want to walk this path with us and check the link below for a simple template to

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write your own declaration of choice. Because you are not here to explain.

You are here to live. [Music]